This poem didn’t make the cut for my forthcoming book, so I’m dropping it here:
A is for apple, Ava and Adam;
B is for their banishment, far better than Eden.
C is for both cock and cunt, of course;
D is for doing it, i.e. intercourse.
E is for either Eileen or Ebrahim;
F is for ‘Fuck!’ when you’re lying between them.
G is for growing into your gender;
H is for hetero or homo, both can refuse that blender.
I, however, is for the self now alone;
J is for jilted; watch out, it hurts to the bone.
K is for knockers, those who beg at the door;
L is the lie that you tell to the poor.
M is for money, you can have more and more;
N is for niggardly, when you keep scores and scores.
O is for opus, the one you’ll never write some day;
P is for poetasters, they should hide theirs away.
Q is for the quandaries that adult life brings:
R for rent, S for sex, T for evermore taxing things.
U is for underworld, and it approaches fast;
V is for vitamins as you try your best to last.
W is for worldly, that stuff left behind;
X will mark your spot that no one will find.
Y is for the youth that you have surely lost;
Z is for the flies zooming round your corpse now host.